


always be the same

by ralf



Series: Close to Canon [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Jace Has Issues, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, Pre-Canon, Protective Alec Lightwood, i guess lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 02:44:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21092087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralf/pseuds/ralf
Summary: Jace rolls his eyes even though he knows he's not fooling anyone. Despite knowing that a big part of becoming parabatai was sharing emotions, nothing prepared him forthis. Hodge told them it was normal to hyperfocus on each other's feelings in the first few weeks until things settled down and they got used to the new presence in their minds, but for the past seven days even the slightest of his emotional stirrings prompted a reaction from Alec.Jace isn't used to feeling so exposed.[Set before the Series, about a week after Alec and Jace become parabatai.]





	always be the same

**Author's Note:**

> To avoid confusion later on remember that Jace always sleeps shirtless ;)  
Title is from "Brother" by Kodaline (an amazing parabatai song btw, you should check it out if you don't know it already).

A determined knock interrupts the fraught silence pressing down on Jace's temples like a particularly annoying headache. He huffs. It's long past midnight which he knows for certain because he's been trying to fall asleep for the last three hours. Whoever is at his door can wait until tomorrow.

A burst of impatience crackling through his parabatai rune clues him in to the fact that his mysterious late night visitor might be Alec and his suspicions are confirmed when a more forceful knock sounds, accompanied by Alec's voice. “Stop pretending, Jace, I know you're awake.”

Jace belatedly realizes that his relentlessly whirling thoughts are probably not just keeping _him_ from sleep. A wave of uneasy guilt washes over him and outside his room Alec groans. The door opens with a click and Alec pokes his head in, eyebrow raised. “Seriously?”

Jace rolls his eyes even though he knows he's not fooling anyone. Despite knowing that a big part of becoming parabatai was sharing emotions, nothing prepared him for _this_. Hodge told them it was normal to hyperfocus on each other's feelings in the first few weeks until things settled down and they got used to the new presence in their minds, but for the past seven days even the slightest of his emotional stirrings prompted a reaction from Alec, either a concerned frown or a gentle question or a curious prodding at their bond, and it's strange. Jace isn't used to feeling so exposed and while he wouldn't trust anyone but Alec with himself like this it's still a bit disconcerting.

“Tell me what's on your mind,” Alec asks in a softer tone.

“Nothing,” Jace says reflexively. He can see how hard Alec has to fight an eye roll.

“It's been nagging you since this morning. What is it?”

Knowing that deflection won't work Jace tries the silent treatment. He really doesn't want to talk about it.

Alec must sense his resistance. He slumps on the edge of Jace's mattress and sighs. “Come on. You'll feel better once it's out.”

Jace snorts. They're both aware that neither of them believes in 'talking' about 'feelings'. The bond between them warms with shared amusement. “You'll have to try harder if you want me to open up.”

“How about tomorrow is our first mission together and if we mess up because we're sleep deprived Hodge will cut back on our free time for more meditation training.”

It's Jace's turn to groan. “Damn, you're right.” He shakes his head. “It's fine, I've got it under control. You can get back to bed and we'll both catch some sleep.”

Alec stares at him, entirely unimpressed. “You're aware I could call your bluff even _before_ I had the adventage of a direct link into your soul, right? Try again.”

Jace lets out a long breath. “Alec, I'm not--”

“Fine, then I'll have to guess,” Alec talks over him, settling more comfortably on the bedside he's claimed. “Was it during breakfast when Izzy stole your bacon again? I told you to get at least two extra stripes.”

He _had_ warned him though Jace foolishly ignored it when he saw the amount of bacon already on Izzy's plate. But as it turns out stealing food is one of Izzy's ways to show affection and completely independent from her actual bacon cravings. “No it wasn't that.”

“Hodge's lesson on how to wield throwing stars even though he knows neither of us uses them?” Alec suggests next. “To be honest I think that was a test of patience in disguise.”

Jace chuckles. Alec is probably right. “I'm used to Hodge's antics. You know his toe-shoes grate on my nerves more than his pointless lectures.”

“True,” Alec agrees with a grin. “Hmm. What else could have broken Jace Wayland's world-famous calm?”

“Shut up!” Jace laughs and shoves at Alec's shoulder. Alec just pushes back.

“Was it Dad's unnecessary pointers on sword fighting technique? I'd love to see _him_ try and dual-wield.”

Just like that the tentative peace he was starting to feel shatters. Alec catches on immediately, turning to him with concern written all over his face. “What did Dad do?”

“Nothing. _Really_,” Jace emphasizes at Alec's incredulous expression. “You were there the whole time, you know Robert didn't do anything.”

“He did _something_,” Alec insists, his brow furrowed in concentration. Jace knows he won't be able to get Alec to drop the matter now. He can sense Alec's feelings looming through their bond like a shadow, a big restless thing desperate to protect and soothe even though he doesn't know against what yet. It stokes a tiny warm flame in Jace's chest. He already knew he could count on Alec to always have his back, but knowing it and _feeling_ it are two entirely incomparable things. _This_ is why he wanted to become Alec's parabatai, and it's this which he--

He shies away from the thought, the thought that's been haunting him since he saw Robert and remembered, the thought that keeps scratching at his mind and reminding him that nothing really changed, that he's still as lost as he's always been.

“Jace. Hey, Jace.”

Alec's hand weighs heavily on his shoulder. A blanket of tranquility settles over Jace, stifling and liberating at once. It's Alec, projecting calm on him through their connection. It makes Jace's head spin.

“Talk to me,” Alec pleads. “I can feel you hurting. Tell me how to fix it.”

“Robert didn't do anything,” Jace repeats, the words sluggish on his tongue, barely crossing his mind and already spilling out of his mouth. “He reminded me.”

“Of what?”

“Parabatai.”

Jace presses his lips together quickly before he reveals any more but it's too late, he can see Alec already putting the pieces together. “Because he and your father were parabatai.” His eyes flicker over Jace, assessing him, seeing right through his defenses. “But they weakened their bond into non-existence.”

Everything in Jace screams at him to keep his mouth shut and deny, but there's no escaping Alec's piercing gaze. “Their vows meant nothing in the end,” he says, unable to keep a sliver of bitterness from creeping into his voice. At least he managed to keep his fear from seeping through.

Not that it matters. Alec is able to feel his feelings. He knows.

“I won't let that happen to us,” Alec states with certainty, as if reciting a fact set in stone. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course,” Jace answers before the question even has time to register. Trusting Alec is the only thing in his life that never feels like a struggle. Trusting Alec feels like coming home.

Alec grabs Jace's steele from the nightstand and pulls the cover down, scanning Jace's torso for something. A vacancy, probably. Jace points him to the space on the right corner of his ribcage, just above his healing rune. Alec touches the steele to his skin but locks eyes with Jace instead of starting to draw. The moment expands between them. Alec looks at him steadily, a firm reassurance.

“Trust me when I promise you this.”

Jace's heart stutters when he recognizes the beginning of a formal vow and Alec must feel it but he doesn't falter. “I'll never allow us to drift apart. We'll always be as close as we are now. Nothing can come between us. I swear it by the mark on your skin.”

The steele shapes a familiar simplistic design, a line with two spikes and a wave on top. Promise. Jace has never seen it outside of textbooks. He doesn't even feel the sting of it burning into his skin.

“You're everything to me, Jace,” Alec admits in a rough voice, a surge of warm-fierce emotion washing through their connection that Jace can't put a name to. They watch as the orange glow fades and the rune turns black. It will stay there forever. The knowledge curls warmly around Jace's heart.

Alec holds the steele out to him, both an offering and a request, and Jace takes it without hesitation. Alec scoots closer and lifts his shirt. The corresponding spot on his ribcage is already occupied by a stamina rune, so Jace places his promise underneath.

“I accept your promise,” he completes the rite before catching Alec's gaze and adding, “And I promise you the same.”

Something soft chases over Alec's face. His lips twitch, his eyes glitter and he pulls Jace into a wordless embrace.

Jace hugs back tightly and finally feels safe.

**Author's Note:**

> [Proof](https://ralfstrashcan.tumblr.com/post/188446827569/do-you-know-the-promise-rune-its-this-one-i) that I'm not just making things up.
> 
> To read the somewhat-companion-piece to this fic, click [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21286088).


End file.
